The low-talker

I’m just back from getting my hair cut and the experience was like something out of Seinfeld.

My hair turned out just fine, but the person cutting it was a low-talker. And I mean a really low-talker. In fact, during the entire time she was cutting my hair, I understood exactly two things that she said. The first was “How do you want your side-burns?” to which I answered “Straight across.” The second was when she told me that my left side was my “good” side. I found this interesting because taped on her mirror was the following legend: “If the left side of your brain controls your right hand, then left-handed people are the only ones in their RIGHT mind.” From this I deduced that the left-handed sense of humor is no better than the right-handed sense of humor.

This woman who cut my hair, an older, grandmotherly type, talked endlessly the entire time she cut my hair and the entire time she washed my hair and except for what I mentioned above, not even a gun to my head could force me to tell you what she said. She simply talked too low for me to hear.

About Jamie Todd Rubin

Jamie Todd Rubin writes fiction and nonfiction for a variety of publications including Analog, Clarkesworld, The Daily Beast, 99U, Daily Science Fiction, Lightspeed, InterGalactic Medicine Show, and several anthologies. He was featured in Lifehacker’s How I Work series. He has been blogging since 2005. By day, he manages software projects and occasionally writes code. He lives in Arlington, Virginia with his wife and three children. Find him on Twitter at @jamietr.