The cookie place, redux

Once again, I decided to try the Cookie place in the Mall below my office. There was a different girl there this time, so I figured what the heck.

I got 2 cookies and 2 milks and headed back up to my office. I popped open a milk, took a swig–and it was spoiled. I’d swallowed a little, but spit the rest out in my trashcan. I checked the “Sell By” dates, and sure enough, both had a date of June 3. Now, I realize that the sell-by date does not mean the “goes-bad-on” date. But in this case, it was way beyond.

I went back downstairs to get my money back, which, believe it or not, took some doing. But get it back I did.

Now, I’m gloomy. I don’t know what happens when someone drinks a tiny amount of spoiled milk, but I’m having visions of unsettled stomachs, and who knows what else. I’m trying to drown myself in water and Sprite, but I have no idea if that will do anything, or make matters worse. When you ingest many types of poisons, you are supposed to drink milk because milk is a base and it neutralizes the acid in poison. But what are you supposed to drink when the “poison” is milk?

And now I have to worry about this for the rest of the day. Nice!

UPDATE: I’ve decided that if I listen to my iPod as loudly as possible, it will distract me from the impending destruction my digestive system is about to wreak. So far, I feel fine.

About Jamie Todd Rubin

Jamie Todd Rubin writes fiction and nonfiction for a variety of publications including Analog, Clarkesworld, The Daily Beast, 99U, Daily Science Fiction, Lightspeed, InterGalactic Medicine Show, and several anthologies. He was featured in Lifehacker’s How I Work series. He has been blogging since 2005. By day, he manages software projects and occasionally writes code. He lives in Arlington, Virginia with his wife and three children. Find him on Twitter at @jamietr.