New outgoing voicemail message

After countless years of the same old boring outgoing voicemail message on my phone, I have decided to take the matter in my own hands and do a complete revision. After a number of takes (for clarity of signal, and because I kept messing up), I have a new outgoing message on my cellphone. Well, not exactly a new message, really it’s more a set of notes toward an outgoing message.


My new outgoing voicemail “message”:

To begin with, this is not an outgoing voicemail message, so much as a series of notes toward one.

The outgoing message I intend to leave will be both humorous and yet subtly confusing to the caller, who, upon hearing the outgoing message, might wonder if they’ve gotten a wrong number.

But they will recognize my voice, and hear me recite the number that they have reached, XXX-XXX-XXXX, and all will be well.

The outgoing message will be unlike any outgoing message the caller has ever heard before. It will (when I get around to recording it) instruct the caller to leave me their name, number and a brief message. I might even indicate my desire to call them back.

But this is not the outgoing message, merely a series of notes toward one. I really don’t know what I’ll say when it comes time to record the piece of BEEP!

Published by Jamie Todd Rubin

Jamie Todd Rubin writes fiction and nonfiction for a variety of publications including Analog, Clarkesworld, The Daily Beast, 99U, Daily Science Fiction, Lightspeed, InterGalactic Medicine Show, and several anthologies. He was featured in Lifehacker’s How I Work series. He has been blogging since 2005. By day, he manages software projects and occasionally writes code. He lives in Falls Church, Virginia with his wife and three children. Find him on Twitter at @jamietr.