If I Could Use The Force

A Jedi is supposed to be stoic, ascetic even. A Jedi would never knowingly make trivial use of the Force. But I am not a Jedi, and I sometimes wish I could use the Force. Given how crazy life can be at times, I think it could come in handy. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and here are some of the ways that I would make use of the Force, if the ability was available to me.

  • Getting items off  the top of shelves at the hardware store. Every time I go to the hardware store, the thing I need is inevitably located on a shelf twelve feet above the ground. I have to find someone who works in the store and ask for help retrieving it. But if I could, I would use the Force to move the item in question into my cart.
  • Half the time I get into bed at night, I’ve managed to leave my reading glasses on the desk in my office. I’m already cozy and don’t want to get out of bed, especially in the winter. If I could, I would use the Force to move my reading glasses from my office desk into my lap.
  • The Little Miss often leaves her stuffed animal “all the way downstairs,” meaning in the family room, two levels below where our bedrooms are. Once we’re upstairs for the night, I hate having to dash down two flights of stairs to retrieve something. So if I had the Force, I’d use it to retrieve the stuffed animal, while I lay comfortably under the blankets.
  • The baby has recently switched to solid food, and as anyone who has kids knows, the exciting change from milk to solid food comes with an even more exciting change in the contents of diapers. There have been some cataclysmic explosions. There have been a few emergency egresses from onesies. What seems at first like a simple diaper change ends up with everyone involved bathing, and burning their clothes. If I could, I would use the Force to change the babies diapers on those particularly egregious diaper explosions.
  • Sometimes, when racing for an elevator shouting, “Hold it, please!” the person inside either can’t get to the buttons in time, or choses not to. I’m too far to stick my arm between the closing doors to force them open again. But if I had the Force, I could use it to stop the doors from closing, and then slowly reopen them, all as I casually walk toward the elevator.

Those are some of the ways I’d use the Force, if I had the ability. Of course, I know what would really happen if I could use the Force. I’d go to the hardware store and the thing I would be looking for would be right there at eye-level. The Little Miss would remember to bring her stuffed animal upstairs, the baby would never have an explosive diaper again, and all elevators I encountered would wait patiently for me as I arrived.

A lot of good the Force would do me!

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